We can smile today, tomorrow Lent begins - when we smile as we fast and pray
These fit so well they should be in a dictionary.
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle..
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BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
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CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.
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CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
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COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
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DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
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EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
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HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
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INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
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MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.
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RAISIN:
Grape with sunburn.
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SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.
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SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
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TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
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TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.
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YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
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WRINKLES:
Something other people have, similar to my character lines.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people
…..but none of them work.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
…..One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
…..There's no menu - you get what you deserve.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday,
…..but couldn't find any.
What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?
…..A maybe.
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.
…..I lost my case.
Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today?
…..I don't know and don't really care.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant
…..but then I changed my mind.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought:
…..That's the last thing I need!"
Sleeping comes so naturally to me.
…..I could do it with my eyes closed.
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
…..A Thesaurus.
You're not completely useless,
…..you can always serve as a bad example.
I broke my finger last week.
…..On the other hand, I'm okay.
Don't spell PART backwards.
…..It's a trap.
To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero.
…..Thanks for nothing!
!!!!!!!!!!!!
